May,13- The last day of MTech

Slope (Rishikesh)

Things got harder than expected. Not because of the topic or software. I hadn't learned the reality of how things work here. Students were impressing professors, buttering them, it felt like a race. Many times, I found myself alone. Many times, I felt demotivated.

I analyzed so many slopes. Every time the model cha
nged, I had to start fresh. I used two software, GeoStudio and PLAXIS. I got scolded for everything. Sometimes for mistakes I didn't even make. Sometimes I had to do experiments alone. I carried 17 kg of soil, compacted it, and filled water at 3 meters height, all alone.

Somehow, I completed my thesis. Those obstacles made me stronger. I learned so many lessons.

May 13, Final Presentation, my thesis included two experiments and numerical models of slope using GeoStudio and PLAXIS. In technical terms, coupled and uncoupled analysis, plus back analysis.

There was a problem with a map. In our geotechnical department, some immature professors exist. Actually, it wasn't a real problem. It was done intentionally to demotivate me. The map was from an Indian website. It wasn't even the full map of India. It just showed death percentages due to landslides, the upper mountainous parts of India, Nepal, China, and Pakistan. It had fine boundary lines. Everything was proper. I had used the same map in Stage I, in his presence, he didn’t comment anything that time.

Right after I said "Good morning," he angrily asked, "How dare you keep this map in your slide?" They targeted me because I never buttered them. I directly said if something was wrong, even in the marking system.

It was a 30-minute viva. I answered everything. Even after that, even though my presentation was good, I didn't feel good. It was the first time I felt like that.

Here, to get good marks, you have to follow the professor, whether he is right or wrong. Once before an exam, I predicted all students' grades and the chronology for subject. There were about 7 students in the subject. You won't believe it, my prediction was exactly right. Same grades, same order. Here, everything is fixed. Like a slave, you follow everything, right or wrong, only then you get the best.

Some professors (not many), but some of the oldest ones are only here for fair marking. I once showed my answer sheet. There were no marks on a derivation that was correct. I asked him. He said, "Don't speak much, otherwise the marks given to you would be cancelled."

I have evidence for many things. But leave it now.

All that scolding, all that loneliness, all that carrying 17 kg of soil alone, all that intentional targeting, it was hard. It was unfair. But it also made me stronger. I learned to stand alone. I learned to work without praise. I learned that my worth is not in a professor's smile or a fixed grade. The negative words, the demotivation, the moments I wanted to quit, they also taught me something good. They taught me who I am when no one is clapping.

I am grateful to my supervisor. She really supported me and cared for me.

                                                    video of my thesis, how it looks like !!